The Misadventures of the Dennings Campaign
A Creative Piece - By Matthew Taylor
George Dennings was running for Town Council in Ward 1, and he was – how should I put this – getting crucified. His opponent, Elizabeth Hernandez, had a lead of 21% in the last poll. George, of course, believed that he still had a chance to win, but with only two weeks left before the election, the chances were getting slimmer. In a last minute attempt to gain the lead, George fired his fourth campaign manager and brought in Paul Ramirez.
Paul was an inexperienced campaign manager at best, and an incompetent one at worst. In Paul’s opinion, the only way to get votes was through a debate, and so he scheduled one between Dennings and Hernandez on the fourteenth of October at a small community center.
The problem with Paul’s “genius” strategy of debating Hernandez was that Hernandez was a lawyer who was extremely eloquent in her speech. George was not either of those things.
The first question went to Hernandez, “What do you intend to do about improving community services?”
Hernandez answered in the allotted two minutes, and she impressed everyone in the room with her response. It was at this point that Paul began to think that the debate strategy might not have been the best one to choose. Paul was going to try to get George out of the debate somehow, when George was asked the same question. His response was as follows:
“Uh… I would do everything that my opponent said and more.”
Everything went downhill from there.
“What do you intend to do about curtailing crime in this town?” He was asked.
“Uh… a lot of things.” He replied, a bead of sweat travelling down his back.
“Care to mention any of them?” The moderator asked him, clearly frustrated.
“Not at the moment.” He answered.
Paul left the room to write his resignation letter when George replied, “Yes.” to the question, “Why do you want to be a town councilor?”
In the papers the next day, the debate was on the front page with the headline: “HERNANDEZ EVISCERATES DENNINGS.” And so, George hired his sixth campaign manager as he went down another four points in the polls. Whether George wins or loses, he’s still proving that anyone can run for office in a democratic society.